surrender and resurrection
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: (AU) What if the Sakurazukamori didn’t die after Rainbow Bridge? Would Subaru forgive him, despite everything that had passed?


Description: (AU) What if the Sakurazukamori didn't die after Rainbow Bridge? Would Subaru forgive him, despite everything that had passed?  
  
--  
  
Disclaimer: Bread owns 'Everything I Own' and Clamp holds the copyrights for X and Tokyo Babylon. I am just a girl in love with the two hot boys that I can't help but write about them. And Dido owns 'White Flag'.  
  
It wasn't unusual for him to be inside his prey's dream. He had embedded himself into the boy's dream world ever since he gave him his insignia upon his beautiful white hands.  
  
But even though the man had killed the boy's twin sister, he came back to reach the catatonic sixteen-year-old who found out that love, life, and obligation were separate entities that could never be together. You had to sacrifice one, two, or all to get what you wanted most in life.  
  
Despite everything, Subaru was able to sing one song to his heart's murderer.   
  
It was a song that stuck with Seishirou like a parasite eating his mind away.  
  
And with that, the final blow:  
  
One last smile.  
  
Seishirou always loved the way he smiled...  
  
...even though it killed him every time he did so.  
  
For Subaru's smile came and faded because of him.  
  
surrender and resurrection  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
In every childhood fairytale, the prince killed the dragon or monster to get the princess he loved. Then, he kissed her to save her. And things would just fall into place when that danger ceased to exist.  
  
But what about an innocent boy who fell in love with a man? The prince and the dragon were one in his fairytale. Not only that, the valiant prince had shattered his heart by killing his only beloved sister?  
  
How was one supposed to live through that? Could one even think of moving beyond that?  
  
Maybe, maybe not.  
  
The boy wandered for years trying to kill his prince...  
  
...and in the end, he did.  
  
He didn't know why. He didn't know how or understand at that particular moment, but he had. He even embraced the container to show the death of his prince with that single amber eye...  
  
...or so he thought.  
  
--  
  
"I'll come back in a few hours," the sun-glassed teenager said as he kissed his lover on the lips. Running his fingers through his lover's wet hair, the man just stared at him blankly.  
  
The teenager zipped up his pants and began to button up his lover's white blouse while kissing him all over again. The man leaned forward and then pulled back while smirking at him, making the boy feel hot all over again.  
  
"You're evil, Seishirou," the teen said as he got up to put a pack of cigarettes on the bed as well as a tray with something to eat for breakfast.  
  
"I know, Fuuma," the man answered while groping around for his cigarettes. Then, he turned towards the direction of the wind, which came from the open sliding door, which led to a balcony.  
  
  
  
In his mind, he was still wandering around the busy streets of Tokyo with a cigarette in his hand. His shades had blocked others' eyes on him, even though he was looking directly at them. With one gesture of his hand, he could've killed someone because of his job, or they would gladly die to be touched by him.   
  
Now, he was somewhere cold and dry.  
  
It didn't matter how much the boy would make love to him because he couldn't feel anything for him.  
  
There was no room in his heart to love anyone else anyway...  
  
Besides, there was nothing left to feel but that.  
  
Despite that, Fuuma still paid for his former apartment because it still had all his stuff in it. The coats, the books, the old pictures of his prey and his sister remained untouched.  
  
Yet, because he was blind, Seishirou could only feel his way around. He couldn't tell where he was exactly with all the darkness. Was it all within his head? Could he trust that foolish teenager that volunteered to take care of him? Or was it really the way reality was presenting itself to him? He couldn't tell either way, and it suited him just fine.  
  
Again, he patted his bed while sitting on the edge of it. He took up the box of cigarettes with an the feeling of familiarity and began to poke through them once more. Getting one, he also got the lighter to light it up.  
  
Taking a puff, he closed his eyelids to the intoxicating air.  
  
He wondered why he was still here. Why was he still living?  
  
Wasn't it enough for him to look into Subaru's emerald eyes and to whisper what he needed to say to keep his pride intact?  
  
No. Apparently not.  
  
Then, through his clouded mind, he began to smile to himself.   
  
"What are you smiling for?" Fuuma asked him as he looked at him carefully before leaving for the day. "Is it because he took the-"  
  
The silent man remained quiet with an amused face.   
  
As Fuuma was leaving, Seishirou began to sing a song that would intentionally hurt him,  
  
"I would give anything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home  
  
I would give anything I own, just to have you back again."  
  
Fuuma sighed as he began to feel annoyed. Putting his hands on the former Sakurazukamori's face, he stared at the blank windows that didn't know color anymore.   
  
"You've got to let him go," he scolded in a harsh tone.   
  
A tone filled with jealousy.  
  
Fuuma went away with squinted eyes as he walked through the threshold of the apartment. He sighed as he closed the door behind him. "I keep you...and yet you're still this way."  
  
He didn't want him to feel grateful to him, but still...  
  
Yes, it was cruel to keep them apart, but Seishirou was the only one who could understand the role of breaking someone's heart beyond repair. It was like Sumeragi Subaru was for his childhood friend, Kamui.   
  
He wanted to understand Seishirou and have Seishirou show him that type of mercy that only murderers could give to one another. Falling in love with that seductiveness, he had wanted to imitate it and immerse himself within its clutches.  
  
But Seishirou was beginning to learn the meaning of regret and it was tearing him apart...  
  
Wasn't that human nature though? A person couldn't forget what they perceived as their ultimate want, no matter what crowded upon it. Selfishness was ugly and pretty at the same time.  
  
**  
  
Weeks later, the war was over.   
  
There was silence all over Tokyo and around the world. Decay and destruction was left in its place.  
  
Fuuma was no longer visiting him.  
  
So, he knew there was nothing to look forward to anymore. Why would Subaru come for him now? Would he even come if he knew and would he kill him all over again?  
  
Yes, this would be much better than waiting like he did eight years ago.  
  
Just like when he waited many years even before that, waiting for Subaru to grow up.  
  
Because of this, he only waited for death to come so naturally to him. But despite everything, he was still smiling as he looked blankly in front of him with a cigarette in his hand. He remained singing in his denial and regret. It was the song that Subaru sang to him when Hokuto-chan died:  
  
"Is there someone you know, you're loving them so  
  
But taking them all for granted  
  
You may lose them one day, someone takes them away  
  
And they don't hear the words you long to say."  
  
"Seishirou-san!" someone called out to him.  
  
He stopped singing, thinking he was already going insane. Well, more than he had already been.   
  
But someone still called his name. Someone as familiar as the blood that flowed through his fingers after a fresh kill...  
  
"SEISHIROU-SAN!" the same stupid boy he loved called out to him.  
  
Boom!  
  
The door opened wide and the boy couldn't believe his eyes as he saw him on the bed. Without discretion or inhibitions, he sighed in relief as tears began to well up in his eyes. Throwing his arms around the dark figure, he shook his head with worry as if he was sixteen-years-old again.   
  
"You're alive...you're still alive..." he mumbled in disbelief. "I looked for you even though I had seen you bleed in my arms..."  
  
The emotions he had been keeping inside were pouring out through his fingers and he made sure that this wasn't a dream.  
  
Subaru began to laugh in frustration as he said, "You had to scare me, didn't you?"  
  
With that, the heart of the Sakurazukamori was able to sigh in relief. After struggling and holding his breath in pain, it was finally disappearing. The coldness was dissipating with the warmth of Subaru's body, even though his scent was mixed with blood. Tears began to well up in his own eyes as he began to smile like when they first met nine years ago.   
  
The smile he genuinely gave only to Subaru. The one where he would close his eyes as he began to tease that innocent face because it would turn red in embarrassment with whatever awful thing he said.  
  
Because he liked that face. He was in love with this face that blushed.  
  
And that was the face that was always stuck within Subaru. But it was only of many that he had come to care for, even though the obstacles and logic told him not to.  
  
Now, Seishirou didn't care about pride anymore.  
  
He was free from his mother, the title, and his own name.  
  
Holding up his arms, he wrapped them lovingly around Subaru. All the words he wanted to say weren't going to be roundabout ways of cruelty. No, he was going to say the words of a song he always wanted to tell him ever since Hokuto-chan's death. It was the only way he could tell him without being interrupted. It was the only way he could say what he wanted to after all these years.  
  
He ran his fingers through Subaru's hair as he said,  
  
"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,   
  
I'll tell you that.  
  
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it   
  
where's the sense in that?   
  
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder   
  
Or return to where we were   
  
Well I will go down with this ship   
  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender   
  
There will be no white flag above my door   
  
I'm in love and always will be   
  
I know I left too much mess and   
  
destruction to come back again   
  
And I caused but nothing but trouble   
  
I understand if you can't talk to me again   
  
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"   
  
then I'm sure that that makes sense   
  
Well I will go down with this ship   
  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender   
  
There will be no white flag above my door   
  
I'm in love and always will be   
  
And when we meet   
  
Which I'm sure we will   
  
All that was then   
  
Will be there still   
  
I'll let it pass   
  
And hold my tongue   
  
And you will think   
  
That I've moved on....   
  
Well I will go down with this ship   
  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender   
  
There will be no white flag above my door   
  
I'm in love and always will be."  
  
This made Subaru cry even more. "Why...do you always say the things I never expect to hear?"  
  
At that, Subaru got up with Seishirou holding his hand. Even though the social conventions would have killed them off, he wasn't going to listen to them ever again. Fuck to all that if he could have Seishirou again.  
  
Alive, despite his blindness.  
  
Through the rubble, he led him to his own apartment. With all the confusion, Subaru didn't know what to feel and Seishirou sat on the bed with his hand over his mouth because he was laughing.   
  
Subaru thought to himself, "If this is a dream, please let me continue to dream it."  
  
As Subaru was about to get something for them to drink, Seishirou grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed. He knew Subaru so well, that he didn't have a problem searching through his clothing while Subaru put his hand over his to help him a bit.  
  
Leaning up to kiss him, he said, "Why did you sing that song?"  
  
"It repeated in my head for years and it haunted me...but why did you sing it to me after all this time?"  
  
With the courage he didn't have years ago, Subaru was finally able to say the thing he always wanted to say:  
  
"Because I love you, of course. No matter what you may think, I said I loved Seishirou-san.   
  
Whether you are a doctor  
  
Whether you are an assassin,  
  
Whether you are kind or cruel...  
  
Seishirou-san is Seishirou-san.  
  
And that never changed since the first time we met, even when you kissed my hands with that curse."  
  
"But-" Seishirou tried to say.  
  
"You just never believed me, Seishirou-san..." Subaru embraced him as he began to cry the many tears he kept inside.  
  
**  
  
Days later, someone came to the door to ask for a signature for an important package.  
  
The postmaster said, "Hello. I need a signature for this."  
  
The handsome man nodded his head as he signed, "Sumeragi Seishirou."  
  
When Subaru came back, he was so happy all over again to find Seishirou was waiting for him.   
  
"So...um..." Subaru blushed and cleared his throat, despite being twenty-five-years-old, as he whispered something quietly into Seishirou's ear.   
  
"You're running me ragged! I'm almost thirty-five-years-old and you're wearing me out! Maybe I was glad I didn't take you when you were sixteen!" Seishirou sweatdropped. "You're addicted."  
  
"I'm going to enjoy you while you're still awake," Subaru slipped his arms on Seishirou's shoulders while sitting on his lap.   
  
He smirked. "You're always cute, Subaru-kun."  
  
Then, Subaru leaned his head on Seishirou's chest as he said, "Yeah, kimi ga sexy desu."  
  
"Where'd you learn to flirt?" Seishirou lifted one of his eyebrows.  
  
Subaru pouted as he began to play with Seishirou's shirt. "Only from the master."  
  
As he kissed him that night while undressing him, he sang,  
  
"You sheltered me from harm, kept me warm, kept me warm  
  
You gave my life to me, set me free, set me free  
  
The finest years I ever knew, were all the years I had with you  
  
I would give anything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home  
  
I would give anything I own, just to have you back again  
  
You taught me how to laugh, what it solved, what it solved  
  
You never said too much, but still you showed the way  
  
And I knew from watching you  
  
Nobody else could ever know, the part of me that can't let go  
  
I would give anything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home  
  
I would give anything I own, just to have you back again  
  
Is there someone you know, you're loving them so  
  
But taking them all for granted  
  
You may lose them one day, someone takes them away  
  
And they don't hear the words you long to say  
  
I would give anything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home  
  
I would give anything I own, just to have you back again  
  
Just to touch you once again."  
  
Putting his forehead against Seishirou's, he laughed. Seishirou smirked at hearing it.  
  
It had been too long since he heard that.  
  
Subaru scolded while holding Seishirou's shirt open, "So, how long were you planning to keep me uninformed that you were still alive?"  
  
With a smirk, the blind assassin answered, "I do it to spite you."  
  
"I hate it when you do that."  
  
"I know, but I love it when you pout."  
  
"Seishirou-san!"  
  
Seishirou laughed and laughed as he kissed Subaru's face.  
  
Seriously, he said while holding onto Subaru's small waist, "I was going to wait until you forgave me."  
  
"What if you died and I never came?"  
  
"I'd wait for you, Subaru, because I've always believed in you."  
  
Subaru began to cry again, even with the grin on his face.  
  
"You never let me down, Subaru-kun. Then or now."  
  
"And here I was thinking that I wasn't worthy of being killed by you."   
  
Seishirou whispered lovingly into his ear, "Then or now, you never disappointed me."  
  
With that, Subaru could believe in him as he always had. For deep inside, he could never let go.   
  
He smiled widely at Seishirou.  
  
The same one he had given when he was only sixteen.  
  
Worn and tired, but it was still there inside of him.  
  
Even though he couldn't see it, Seishirou could feel that it was there once again.  
  
Subaru's mismatched eyes looked directly at Seishirou's empty ones. He placed his thumbs gently on the spaces where Seishirou's handsome amber eyes used to be.  
  
Then, he pulled Seishirou's hand to cup over the eye that was given to him.  
  
It was the tangible proof that Seishirou had cared and he needed nothing else.  
  
"Always...  
  
Always the eyes to show me how much you love me."  
  
Nothing ever made sense for them, but it always seemed to come together with some twisted logic. And somehow, the prince was released from the dragon's clutches. The boy who wandered and was able to kill his prince...  
  
...he was able to resurrect him.  
  
With closed eyes, Subaru kissed Seishirou's empty spaces for eyes. Then, he kissed him on the lips.  
  
And finally, they lived happily ever after.  
  
Owari.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Dammit, being somewhat depressed over someone, I found myself wanting to write this fic. Just at least a happy ending in _one_ of my fics for Subaru and Seishirou! They deserve it!  
  
* sighs with a melancholic smile * My heart was cringing so much that I had to stop typing sometimes because I couldn't breathe. And yes, I understand this is truly sappy, but please work with me and the songs I chose. ^_~ Also, I know how unworthy this is (I still want to change it), but I enjoyed it.  
  
Again, thank you to my wonderful and patient beta reader, Rei-chan! I know my grammar's always off...^^;;;  
  
kimi ga sexy desu - you're sexy. 


End file.
